I knew it was going to be trouble the day before. Somebody in my neighborhood was lighting fireworks. No big deal, right? Except it was almost one in the morning and the shit was loud. My kid was sick and every time she fell asleep…”Kaboom!”

Finally I had enough. I got out of bed in a fit of rage and started pulling on clothes.

“What are you doing?” my wife said.

“I think you know exactly what I’m doing.”

She intervened and there was a brief but tense altercation before I acquiesced and got back in bed, under the condition of if I hear one more, and I mean one more, nobody’s going to stop me.

Thankfully it was quiet after that.

On the actual 4th of July I expected all hell to break to break loose with fireworks so I’m not too unhappy when the entire neighborhood starts shooting shit off around seven in the evening. By eight o’clock it was intense. I was trying to watch Platoon and I swear the sound from outside was louder than my home theater system.

Still, it was no big deal. It’s the 4th and everything so who am I to complain.

10:00 PM: It now sounds as though my house is under siege. I was getting jumpy. I had looked around outside to see if they were good fireworks or just noisemakers and I couldn’t see anything, but they sounded close.

10:30 PM: My discerning ear tells me that someone a few houses down has gotten hold of at least a few hundred dollars worth of M-80s. They were tossing them into the street one at a time, nonstop. I start to ponder how bad it would be if I lived in a shitty neighborhood. I can’t imagine.

10:45 PM: The barrage of shells going off from every quadrant is astounding. I can’t fully describe the sound. This shit is LOUD and I’m experienced in fireworks. I can’t imagine what they’ve gotten their hands on. Fearing my perimeter has been breached I go outside for a look. I can’t see who is lighting shit off, but it’s coming from every direction. There were so many rounds going off at once, and for such a long duration, that I cannot fathom the thousands of dollars spent. It sounded as if twenty families had each spent a week’s paycheck on fireworks and decided to shoot them off simultaneously, with no breaks whatsoever, for as long as they would last.

11:00 PM: If anything it’s intensifying. I’m praying the kid doesn’t wake up and start coughing again. I put my shoes on go outside for a look and my wife gets that look on her face.

“Where are you going?”

“I just want to make sure I know who is doing it.”

“Why?”

“Retribution. Not anytime soon, but I’m gonna be egging some houses in the future.”

12:30 PM: I’m in bed reading a book, as is the wife. All is quiet except for one asshole. Every once in a while he lights an M-80. Kaboom! I look over at the wife.

“You realize what this is, don’t you?” she asks.

I shrug.

“Karma. Do you know how many times you’ve been on the other end of this? And the worst part is I’m always included in your karmak paybacks…by proximity.