I don’t know what to say.
I was standing at the counter with bottle of Coke. I reached into my pocket and out came some crumbled up bills and a handful of coins. I look down at the coins and I’ve never fucking seen them before. I thought they were Canadian or some other worthless currency and then realized they were nickels. All different kinds.
I had a regular nickel, a new version of a buffalo nickel and yet another one with half of Jefferson’s head on it. I was dumbfounded.
What’s up with all the new nickels? It’s bad enough they’re minting new quarters with Newark and Detroit on them once a month, now the US mint is changing the nickels every week. I just don’t get it. I don’t know what the national debt is, but how the hell can we be spending our resources changing the goddamed coins every week? It’s got to cost money drawing the designs, stamping the plates and all of that crap. Does this make sense? We should be getting rid of the fucking dead wood in these agencies and they’re hiring by the busload down at the nickel division.
How many nickels do we need? Are they even worth five cents anymore? Are we going to have nickels from every state? What’s next, fifty new dimes? This is fucking criminal! I haven’t been this enraged since they canceled The Rockford Files.
Don't look now, but they've also redesigned the 10-dollar bill. What I don't get about all this shit is, who the fuck uses these denominations anymore? A goodamn nickel? What the fuck can you get for a nickel? Or, for that matter, a ten-dollar bill? Nothing, dude. Absolutely jack fucking squat. I mean, I don't even carry cash anymore. It's called a fucking debit card, and it's accepted just about anywhere a law-abiding citizen would want to spend their money, a few they probably wouldn't. I say they just do away with the whole idea of paper and coin currency. Shut down the department of Treasury, give me a big fucking tax refund from the money the gov't doesn't have to spend on that shit, and put a few peices of currency on display at the Smithsonian.
Furthermore, I don't use checks anymore to pay the damn bills; so I don't need stamps to mail any envelopes, and I don't need the US Postal Service to carry them for me. Boom, there's another bigass addition to my tax return.