Okay, I finally found my superpower.
I’ve had it all my life but I took it for granted because I thought everybody had it.
I can take a look at someone or just spend a few seconds near someone and immediately know that they’re crazy.
My wife confirmed this superpower last night when she mentioned I was right; a recent acquaintance of ours is a little fucked up. She didn’t believe me at first, but it finally panned out, and in just the manner I suspected.
When I was young I could always tell when chicks were nuts. I’m not prejudiced against nutty chicks or crazy people in general. In fact, the best sex in the world is sex with a crazy chick. But I have a built in detector.
It’s the same with people who are a little slow. A couple of weeks ago I pointed out to a coworker that one of the new employees was an idiot.
“You say that about everybody.”
“But this time I’m not kidding. That dude walks around with his mouth open all day. He’s literally an idiot. I’m sure of it.”
My warning was ignored, and I didn’t care because I didn’t hire him. Several days later the coworker parked his ass on a corner of my desk.
“I think you’re right about Harris. Have you seen him answer the phone? Between the time he puts it to his ear and the time he says, “Hello,” there’s an abnormally long pause. Like five seconds or something. Every time.”
“Told you.”
He demonstrated by using his cell while I walked down to the guys cube and feigned interest in his project. The phone rang, he picked it up, put it to his ear and I started counting. It was, like, four-Mississippi before he fucking said hello. I should have starting counting again because when he got no response it was at least another four seconds before he said, ”Hello,” a second time. And by then I was laughing too hard to hang around.
And I’m not making fun of the mentally challenged. This guy was hired at a fairly high level. I’m always shocked about that. For the most part, anyone with tuition money can manage a four year degree, no matter how fucking stupid they are. Then, as if by magic, they show up at some company and somehow interview their way into a decent job.
I guess they’ve never come up against Jim.
Anyhow, if you’ve got a suspected nut or a halfwit in the workplace, I can pick them out for you.
Man, I know some people like that. I'd swear they were proud of it too. I mean, they act like they've absolutely got to just show everyone how stupid they can be.
My power is a useful one. I can tell a good 10 to 15 seconds before whether a baby is going to puke. Just enough time to either acquire a cloth or hand said baby to someone else.
Its a gift.
I have one here at work. He was put on this earth, I swear, for the sole purpose to entertain me.
He walks around the office with his mouth open too. Almost always dials my phone by mistake when he wants to reach the front desk.
He's a walking inigma.
I call him my mimbo.
Too funny....
Wow, that is a good one.
Shit! We should have had you check out all the prospects before we hired this one co-worker. She turned out to be a bit of a stalker.
I finally knew I was in trouble when one day she came up to me to tell me something personal: "I just started my period."
Bitch, that is information I do not need. I don't care WHO you are.
Next time, I'm coming to you, Paul!.
I work in the IT world of warranty work on laptops, yea exciting! I have an engineer from Taiwan that with every question asked of him he responds with a pause a blank stare then a remark of a video came (HHuumm) another stare and then, “may I get back with you.” How ever if one of the engineers asks us a question, and we respond with “I will get back with you” they instantly ask us why we don’t know our jobs.