It’s that time of year again. In order to make things easy on you, and insure that I get exactly what I want, I offer the following shopping guide:

I need some decent earphones for the iPod. The stock earphones are uncomfortable and lack the required dynamic range for maximum enjoyment.

Sony Fontopia MDR-EX70LP Earphones
Price: $49.99

These are available online from many retailers so order now to avoid an uncomfortable wait on my part.

I’d also like something to help me wind down from a hard day at work. There’s an add-on to Rome Total War, the video game I have driven into the ground. It’s called Barbarian Invasion Expansion Pack, $24.99 on Amazon.

If you could make these two happen I’d be happy.

Aside from that, you could always make a deposit into my ‘special account’ at the bank, you know the account number.

Last, but certainly not least, can we just buy this damned thing and get it over with? I swear by all that is holy that you can drive it on Saturdays.

Please have the courtesy to make a similar list for me. We don’t want a replay of the shoe incident, do we?

True Story (from my original blog):

The women’s shoe store. We were Christmas shopping together and she took me in and pointed them out. I looked down at them.

"Look closely."

"Okay," I said.

"Do you see the heel?" she asked.

"Yes, I see it."

"And the toe? See the difference?" She held up another shoe.

"Don't worry. I understand."

We left the mall. Several days later I went Christmas shopping alone. I had bought her every gift on her list. Only the shoes remained. I went back to the store, back to the exact spot where the shoes were. But they all looked the same.

Granted, I tend to tune out when people talk to me. I'm in my own world most of the time. I guess I wasn't paying attention. And now I'm looking down at these shoes and every pair looks the same. I tried to guess the exact spot I was standing in when she showed them to me, thinking I might find the right ones by dead reckoning, but I had no distinct landmarks. Meanwhile, it's a few days before Christmas and the place was packed. These things were flying out of there. Women were grabbing shoes and holding them up over their heads yelling sizes. I had been at the mall for a long time. I was hungry. I was tired. I had no hope. I picked a pair and bought them. I was certain I had narrowed it down to two pair and I chose one.

Fast-forward to Christmas day. All the presents opened except for one box. She opened the box and took out a shoe. Not only was it the wrong one, but it was the one she used as example of what she specifically did not want. She went berserker. I thought at one point that she would actually beat me with the shoe.

That was about five years ago. She still reminds me of it constantly. She uses it as an example when she points things out in stores now. And every time she brings it up, it is with the same intensity as that first time when she opened the box.

You really can't imagine.