I'll just tuck this in the extended entry, because it's not a happy thing.
School sucks. On top of exams this week, I've got a 4-month practicum to complete, and an Executive challenge in the spring.
Planning the wedding is stressful. I mean, I'm glad I'm getting married, and I want to see all the loved ones (well, most of them); but Jesus Christ on a bicycle!
Mom. That's about that.
Went to meet with the priest about the wedding the other day, he wants to tell me maybe my Mom's condition is God's way of tapping on my door and saying that life is conditional, and if I don't get right I could spend eternity with an itch that I couldn't scratch. Or something. Maybe he said Hell, I dunno, because as soon as I realized what he was laying down, I went deaf with anger. If God wants my stupid ass back in church, all he has to do is ask, he doesn't have to start knocking off family members. He didn't like my response, but he didn't say shit back to me.
The new promotion is stressful. It's not task-oriented, it's goal oriented, and I'm realizing that no one else wants to change. I'm working to change an organization of nearly 4,000 employees that tells me "But this is the way we've always done things." I swear to god, it would be easier to do that damn shit myself.
And tonight, the fucking car started acting up. I don't really expect non-car folks to understand, but when my car (my fucking mint, 40K mile, long-time partner) starts dieing while it idles, I begin to question my entire life. It could be $2000 in repairs! I could go broke fixing it! What if I fix it and can't sell it? What if I'm homeless in six months? I know, stupid, but it stresses me out. It makes me want to buy a sensible family sedan. It makes me want a simpler life, and on top of all this other shit, I just want to quit everything and live in the goddamn woods or something. Then I realize, there's no quitting. Because they'll be kids, and more promotions, and car problems surely, and on and on. Fuck this, when's the next pixiedust pilgrimage leaving for Neverland? Happy thoughts, happy thoughts...
I'm working to change an organization of nearly 4,000 employees that tells me "But this is the way we've always done things."
Your new job is at my company? Holy shit!
I'm working to change an organization of nearly 4,000 employees that tells me "But this is the way we've always done things."
Most people are afraid to leave their comfort zones.
Most people understand that 2+2=4, but are not interested in 3+1=4, etc.
Most people are barely able to do their current jobs.
Most people live in state of fear which lurks just under the surface.
I'm a man of action. My fear doesn't lurk...I'm on red alert all day. That's why I'm on the ball and embrace change. You're facing a common problem that almost all executives have to fight all day. I've been successfull by leaving them no "outs".
"This is why we're changing. This is how we're changing. Please complete the change by this date. If you are unable or unwilling to support this change, I will run you over with the rest of the winners trampling close behind me."
As for the church, just after I went through all the rigamarole to get married in church, against my will and for the benefit of my wife, a priest told me he didn't want my kind in church.
"What's my kind?" I asked.
"People that never want to go to church."
"Fair enough. We'll both be a lot happier."
I now go to church on occaision, when I'm in europe, and there's no mass being held, and the building was constructed several hundred years ago and filled with priceless art. That's my kind of church-going.
As for cars, I seem to blow through O2 sensors once a month, at $600 bucks a pop. As soon as the car was out of warranty they started going left and right. Seems the old lady has four in her car that go out reguarly.
You can't win. No matter how fast you run the race, you cannot win. Once you realize that you tend to relax a lot more.
A wise person once told me that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over expecting a different result each time.
Furthermore, *bubabubabubabubabuba*.
Hey, I'm coming home next week and we can talk out some of this shit. You're one of us, Brother, and you're just like Dad: we're goign to get through all of this (the Volvo is a POS, too, the latest problem being something wrong with the steering column. it's a good thing I40 is so straight, or I probably wouldn't make it home next week.
Don't flip your shit, you're going to want that stuff some day!
Dude... relax. The more serious you take life the more likely it is to run you over.
Don't worry about your religion, it is YOUR religion (or not)... don't let anyone else tell you what to do with it... do you really care what the priest thinks?
Your car - yeah, shit happens. Don't worry about it... get it fixed and move on. If you were meant to be homeless so be it...
Work - fuck. Your company is just like everyone elses... do what you can and don't worry about what the other fuckers are moaning about... I like the adage from Paul, "If you are unable or unwilling to support this change, I will run you over with the rest of the winners trampling close behind me."
Deep cleansing breath - now move on...
:)
deep breaths actually, really, are the poopoo.
Have you tried it? You'd be surprised...