So, Paul is temporarily away from his computer this week and I'm going to take a stab at this thing. I carefully chose an interviewee, based on his extensive and laudable track record as a well respected bachelor and debaucherer. However, said guest would only take the interview on the condition that he be known specifically as "Hebert the Honky Highlander." Apparently, he thought this would protect his identity. I protested based on the grounds that he's a nobody and an idiot to boot, but in the end he was going to walk; the diva.

Below the fold.

Kelly Osbourne
Oh Hell no. I don't know...two kegs.
Hm.
And a straw.
Heh?
So they could shove it in my dickhole to keep my penis up.
Well. Moving on then...

Cher
Old or new?
No time travel travel man - right now.
Gross. If I was twenty years older? A twelver.
Look I said no time travel or any of that shit.
Well, she's the one who wants to turn back time. We can time travel as long as it's concensual.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
I don't make the rules, I just get drunk and screw by 'em remember?

Joan Rivers
Awwww...Hell no! Oh god. Enough for me to pass out.
Wel-
And then they'd have to strap a dildo to my back, because I wouldn't want any of her...love juice on my crotch.
Dude. I might get in trouble for sharing that.
Well you're the one that asked.

Whoopi Goldberg
8 Mad Dog's. In an hour.

Carrot Top
It could not be done.

Condi Rice
Who's that? The Supreme Court-
Secretary of State
Half a beer.
Really? You likey the powerful babes huh?
And a gravel.
A gravel?
Yeah, you know, 'Order in the court!'
A gavel.
Meh.

Florence Henderson
Oh hell yeah. She drinkin' too?
I dunno...you tell me.
Let's see, I picture us sitting in a bar. Her getting some martinis, me getting some Jim Beam, and her getting in my pants.
(grimace)
For me? Two martinis and 8 shots of Beam. Her - 3 martinis and a blowjob. You know what a blowjob is?
Yes (stifling laughter).
The shot.
Oh.