Sometimes you see that lone person in a bar. They'll be mulling over their drink, or maybe they'll be toying with it seductively, or watching the game, chatting with the barkeep. But we've all seen them, and there are a few that you can mark right off the bat; without ever talking to them, you already know what's going on.

Girl sitting up front, drinking a top shelf apple martini - "I'm spending someone else's money."
Guy sitting up front, drinking a top shelf apple martini - "I'm sucking someone else's dick."
Husky drunk girl next to the tap drinking dollar drafts - "I got kicked out of this bar for knocking a guy's teeth out once."
Husky drunk guy next to the tap drinking dollar drafts - "I stock groceries at Walmart. And my shift starts in half an hour."
Guy, shot of whiskey and a beer, both gone in less than a minute - Probably just robbed a bank.
Gal, surrounded by other gals, drinking Zima or Michelob Ultra - Just turned 21, trying not to ruin her GPA.
Guy, two fingers of single malt on two rocks, not stirring, gently sipping - Needs to take his bottle of Johnny Walker and get a room. This is a bar dammit, not a library.
Gal, cigar, gin and tonic - "If my ex could see me now."
Guy, early fifties, lots of rings, cigar, gin and tonic - "Did I tell you I was All-American back in '76?"

All this talk is making me thirsty. Shank out.