Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
June 30, 2005
Hypothesis confirmed
(Category: Snooze Button Dreams )

The Production Manager at my old job in Buffalo had a green plastic button on his desk labeled "Make Everything Go Smoothly". It was just a plastic novelty piece and obviously didn't do anything but when things got stressful he's press it and it would make him feel better. Sort of a psychological soothing feeling came from pressing that worthless button. I just discovered that this concept is widely implemented.

Elevator doors irritate me. When you are moving toward them they are closing. When everybody is on or off the elevator they stand open. There's a solution for the latter one though - the "Close Doors" button. But does this button do anything? It makes you feel better when you press it. You are actually doing something concrete to address your current situation. It is empowering. But is it useful? It never actually seems to make the doors close any faster than they normally would.

Just now, on an impulse (I get these quite often when I'm alone on in an elevator), I popped the "Close Doors" button out of the console. While it was definitely a button it was no more functional than my old PM's magic green button. There was nothing behind the button at all. Just empty space and the unfinished interior wall of the elevator.

I can't decide what to do now - spread the information around to the people here or keep it my secret and giggle inside whenever I see somebody pressing the magic button.

Or maybe a mixture of the two? Wait until the satisfied expression lights up the face of the button presser and then give the news that their action is ultimately worthless.

Yeah, I think that last option is the one I'll go with.

Posted by Jim | Permalink | TrackBack (0)
Comments

I always wondered about those damn things! I feel betrayed and used now.

I used to push those buttons like a fiend.

Posted by: ilyka at June 30, 2005 01:25 PM

Shamming.

Or else post a picture.

Posted by: Harvey at June 30, 2005 04:09 PM

I knew it!!

Finally, someone has proof of a hypothesis that many have suspected is true, yet few have tested.

Posted by: diamond dave at June 30, 2005 04:32 PM

Harvey - You're so visual!! I like that.

Posted by: Jim at June 30, 2005 04:37 PM

You should put an electrode back there, so when people push it, they lose control of their bowels.

Posted by: shank at June 30, 2005 05:25 PM

I agree, it's a sham.

Posted by: Wendy at June 30, 2005 10:36 PM

Jim, the close doors button in the modern elevator or lift (as we like to call it) owes its presence in the control panel to a raft of cheap horror and thriller style movies - the idea being that pushing the button whilst a homicidal maniac / bug eyed beastie / jehova's witness are bearing down on you will cause the doors to close .025 of a second before they get there... as the likelihood of there being any of the above characters in a real world elevator scenario is low the company cut corners and didn't wire the button up thereby saving $1,000s on the complex "maniac identification" and "lunge tracking" circuits that could also be removed.

Posted by: Rob at July 1, 2005 05:19 AM

Well finally, a logical explanation. It's all so clear now. Thanks Rob!

Posted by: Jim at July 1, 2005 05:42 AM

My pleasure - although I do like Shank's suggestion ... just make sure you also have stairs

Posted by: Rob at July 1, 2005 10:52 AM
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