Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
June 01, 2005
We find the defendant...not guilty
(Category: Snooze Button Dreams )

We have three urinals in the men's room here at work. With one men's room and 60 or so guys it's fairly common to see somebody else in there when you go to drain the main vein. One fellow worker has been a cause of concern. You see, any time I walk in and he's there he is occupying the center urinal. As you all know, this is classified as a major violation according to the BBMRE*.

If you are the first fella at a bank of three urinals you should be occupying an outer urinal. Preferably the one closest to the door so your presence is more easily noted by others entering the bathroom and you are thereby more easily avoided. Taking the center urinal is a major violation because it almost guarantees AUWC**.

I don't think that most women understand AUWC so I'll attempt to clarify. It is not a "gay thing", it's a "guy thing". Homosexual men avoid AUWC just as stringently as straight men. The basic rule is that you do not stand next to another man and piss unless forced to do so by situations outside of your control (the "last urinal" exemption) or during temporary suspension of the AUWC rule caused by sporting events and alcohol or the presence of snow banks or open fire pits.

This fellow's habitual use of the center urinal clearly marked him as either etiquettely challenged or a pervert.

I'm happy to say that he is neither. Just moments ago I went to pay off the interest on a coffee loan and happened to walk into the bathroom right behind him. He went first to the preferred urinal (the one closest to the door), sighed in disappointment, and flushed it. He then went to the secondary urinal (the other outside urinal), sighed deeper, muttered a curse, and flushed it. Only then did he go to the center urinal to do his business.

Mystery solved. He's not a pervert, he's just another victim of the filthy bastards here who don't know how to flush a urinal.

I'm very relieved.

* Big Book of Men's Room Etiquette
** Adjacent Urination Without Cause

Posted by Jim | Permalink
Comments

We women also have adjacent stall urination without cause - otherwise known as "stall stalkers." If there are five stalls, first the end points fill, then the middle, then fill in the last two spots. It's rare that the bathroom gets that full (at work.) But it is considered rude if there are a ton of empty stalls and some one takes the adjacent stall...

Posted by: ethne at June 1, 2005 11:21 AM

I enjoy being a girl.
Even more now.
Hey, I get a room to myself.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at June 1, 2005 02:53 PM

LOL ... Jim, my husband wrote an entry in his blog back in 2003 on rules of urinating in a public bathroom. Here is the link to that post ....

http://bigback.blogspot.com/2003_09_01_bigback_archive.html

Posted by: Denise at June 1, 2005 02:54 PM

I will second ethne's comment. Women do the same thing and I have been known to walk out if the occupant has erred in their stall choice.

Posted by: Machelle at June 1, 2005 03:05 PM

Oh, that's good. That's got to get a link...

Posted by: Jim at June 1, 2005 03:07 PM

Jimbo this is a complicated topic. But surely the answer is automatic flushing urinals.

Posted by: Simon at June 2, 2005 12:02 AM

Auto flushers would do the trick but building management doesn't seem to care a whole lot that my coworkers have some sort of urine collection fettish.

Posted by: Jim at June 2, 2005 05:17 AM
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