I'm not a man of wealth, nor of taste. Believe you me.

My name is Victor, and I'm helping trash Jim's blog while he's away. In the likely event you're not one of the six or so people who read my blog, you have no idea who I am, so by way of introduction, I'd like to post my answers to Jim's Guest Blogger Application. I confess I filled it out pretty much because I like to fill out forms, and less because I wanted to guest blog here. I mean, take a look at my blog--I hardly ever post there.

1. Name: Victor, AKA Rat-Boy

2. Sex: Honestly, Jim...does any guy ever answer, "Enough!"? I guarantee
you Ron Jeremy doesn't answer, "Enough!" to that question!

3. Age: Older than you.

4. Favorite Color: Blue

5. Superpower(s): Able to clear a Metro train with one SBD.

6. Are you able to resist the inexorable pull of a comment party? (Yes/No)
No, not really.

7. Have you ever been convicted of a crime you did not commit? (Yes/No)
Yep. At least, my parents thought it was a crime.

8. Who framed you? My brother.

9. Was your revenge classically Machiavellian or of the exploding gas tank
variety? How do you define, "Massive punches to the arm until he has a bruise
the size of the Bronx?"

10. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth? Depends. What's in it for me?

11. Benifer? Are you in-fucking-sane?

12. Complete this sentence: My dog has unusually low intelligence. Sad,
but true.

13. Pervert! I know you are, but what am I?

14. Can you be trusted to guest post on Snooze Button Dreams without
making a bugger-all mess of things? Are you in-fucking-sane? I fix computers
for a living, dude!

15. No, really? Really, I fix computers for a living, dude!

16. What do you want to be when you grow up? A kid.

17. As a guest poster, what sort of things would you be posting? Some way
to send massive points to your blog-daughter. Anyone who posts a picture of
herself petting a chicken is OK in my book.

18. Pervert! I know you are, but what am I?

19. List three hobbies: Feeding rats, cleaning rat cages, and letting my
rats run my life.

20. No comment. Isn't saying, "No comment," kind of like those pages in
instruction manuals reading, "This page intentionally left blank?" I mean,
once there's something printed on it, it's no longer blank! Right?

What was the question again?

21. Essay question. Please do not open your booklets until instructed to
do so. In 500 words or less describe why you want to be a guest poster at SBD,
why you deserve to be a guest poster at SBD, and a workable energy plan that
is not dependent upon foreign natural resources. Begin.

I want to guest post on SBD because maybe it will convince me to start
posting something other than rat pictures on my own blog. Also, I've never
guest posted any where else, so you'll be my first--or I'll be your first.
Whichever.

And my energy plan involves artificially produced geo-thermal energy. The
energy will be produced by careful applications of nuclear warheads on France
after we annex France (so that it wont' be a foreign natural resource), and
then doing something else to harness the heat.

Actually, after France is nuked, I don't give one of my rat's asses about
what we do with the heat. Fuck, let's burn baby seals or something then. I
really don't care.