The gross guy. The one who doesn't understand the social niceties of cleanliness. The guy with the black mouse that started as a white one and a keyboard that makes crunchy sounds when it's used due to the many cracker and chip bits lodged between the keys. The one with stained clothes featuring crusty cuffs from nose wipes and a greasy patch on each thigh from using pants as a napkin substitute.
At my last job this guy was infamous for his unsanitary habits. His cubicle smelled vaguely like a three week old roadkilled opossum dipped in urine. He eventually left us for a fantastic work from home opportunity. We celebrated for a week.
At this job he is known primarily for his personal odors. He has sparkling white teeth that starkly contrast with the brimstone and cabbage that he exhales. How can somebody who obviously brushes regularly have such a mouth odor problem? My theory is that he has no dental hygiene, rotted his teeth out and wears dentures.
He is also possessed of an unearthly stench about his person. It's an odor that says he fell in love with the Shower-to-Shower concept and has accepted talcum powder as his personal savior. He is a master at the Silent But Deadly. I've never heard him cut one loose but he is followed by the permanent aroma of juicy anal exhalation.
I have named him Boman* and he is my personal nemesis.
So, what's your guy like?
* B.O. Man
My guy grew up in London in the late 50's. His smile is in the book: Big Book of British Smiles. Showers like water was too precious to waste on his body. Insists on sitting really close during depositions and whispering suggestions in my ear. Between the b.o. and the breath, I pretty much am guaranteed to lose my train of thought and need a moment before I can resume the deposition. In the office, we call him Stinky.
I don't have one. I work with five women who all smell nice, and one guy who's hardly ever here. But when he is he doesn't smell like 80 different kinds of ass.
Wait. Does that mean I might be the stank dude?
Yup. Better check for stains, shank.
My stanky guy sits in our small office, with no ventillation, farts and then leaves.
Christ almighty that is just so wrong.
He also, everyday, for lunch eats stuff that smells either like ass or roadkill that has been dead for a week.
When talking about him to my hubby I refer to him simply as asshole
I don't work with one, but I have plenty of customers (usually cashing a government check of some sort) who come up to my teller window. 5 seconds later, the Wall-O-Reek hits my nose. I wince. I step back. I try to stay polite, not breathe, and work as fast as I can.
Worst part is that some of these people eminate so much stale-beer-and-old-ashtray funk that I can actually TASTE it.
*shudder*
Well, I work from home. By myself. So it is obvious who the most aromatic of them all at my work place.
Anyone remember the Dilber where he is telecommuting and he is sitting in his bathrobe with a dressed puppet infront of his webcam for meetings? That was pretty realistic.
This would also be the same guy that when you have the company holiday luncheon (no specific holiday mentioned so as not to offend) you don't dare ride in his car because it also smells like ass.
Oh yeah he orders the "Speedy Plate" (extra beans) at said luncheon, so he can freshen up the company bathroom later in the day
I work with mostly women, and our stink guy is actually a stink gal.
She is a large woman that smells like urine, stale cigarettes, stale beer and rotting garbage. She tries to cover it in cheap perfume, but then you end up with flowery stink. My companie has a Hygene policy and it has been addressed with her, but she is still here.
I can always tell when she is approaching my cubicle, because I can smell her coming.
My problem at work is with a close talker. I literally have to stick arm out and say, "Close enough chief."
It never seems to sink in. I find myself backing up until I can go no further and then telling him to, "Stop right there."
After three months of me telling to stay out of my personal space he still does it every time I see him.
Hey Contagion I think you have my old college roommate working for you.
Christ almighty I didn't think someone could smell so bad until I had to sleep in the same room as her. We got her kicked out of our room cause she refused to shower.