Late to class? Go see Intelligent Design 101 and Intelligent Design 102.

[Class assembles and Mr.Balsavage hands out the test results while welcoming the students]

Mr.Balsavage: Good morning class!

Class: Good morning, Mr.B!

Mr.B: I have some bad news, class. It seems that Michael Newdow has filed a Constitutional objection against our Intelligent Design class and the 9th Circuit Court has issued a court order regarding our test.

Class: Oh, no!

Mr.B: Oh, yes. The court has decided that the only Constitutionally correct answer to our test question is answer "d) I refuse to answer this question on religious grounds" and only Little Susie gave that answer. So sorry, class.

Class: Booo!

Mr.B: Now, now, children. We mustn't complain about the interference of the courts in our schools, especially ones that have no legal jurisdiction over us. Appointed judges know much better than we do what is good for us.

Bobby: But we've all failed! All except Little Susie.

Mr.B: Oh, no! Where would you ever get an idea like that? Ho, ho, ho. No, nothing could be further from the truth. The Board of Education, in its infinite wisdom, implemented a grade adjustment policy so the class average is always a B or better. You've all passed!

Class: Yay!

Mr.B: Now before we close this section of the curriculum, are there any questions?

Little Susie: I have a question, Mr.B!

Mr.B: Yes, Little Susie?

Little Susie: My Mommy says that the logical solution you taught us yesterday is bullshit.

Mr.B: That's not actually a question, Little Susie, but I'll let that pass. First, you tell your Mommy that she has a potty mouth. Then tell her that the Board of Education, unknown intelligent entity guard and protect them, has addressed that issue. In order to accept Intelligent Design into our science curriculum they have changed the criteria of science itself!

Class: Wow!

Little Susie: How did they do that?

Mr.B: They typed it into our school policy and voilà, science was forever altered until the liberals regain control of the school board.

Little Susie: No, I mean just what did they change?

Mr.B: Well, in the old science the objective was to propose a theory and construct provable arguments to support it. In our new science we also validate a theory based on what is not unprovable.

Little Susie: I'm confused.

Mr.B: Class, is there anybody who can help Little Susie to understand?

Bobby: Oooh! Oooh! I can! I can!

Mr.B: Okay, Bobby. Go ahead.

Bobby: It's like this...if you can't prove that something isn't true then it could be true so deserves consideration just like things that can be proved true.

Mr.B: Excellent response! Bobby, you are truly a wonder. Now, can you give Little Susie an example?

Bobby: Um...okay...lemme think...I've got it! I have a theory that I can fly.

Little Susie: No, you can't!

Bobby: Can you prove that?

Little Susie: Well, no.

Bobby: So it's a valid theory! From now on I would like to be called "Flybobby" because I am a Bobby who can fly.

Little Susie: That's retarded.

Flybobby: Is not! It's a valid theory!

Mr.B: Now, children. Let's not argue. Little Susie, you mustn't be so closed-minded. Flybobby could very well be a flying boy.

Little Susie: But he's not!

Flybobby: Am too!

Mr.B: Children, children. Please! You should always maintain a professional decorum while debating science, at least until you've attained tenure. Little Susie, we cannot prove that Flybobby is not a flying boy so to be fair we must admit the possibility that he is one.

Little Susie: If Bobby can fly then I'll eat this desk.

Flybobby: Oh, yeah?! Well just you sit there and get ready to chow down!

[Flybobby walks to the door]

Mr.B: And just where do you think you're going, Flybobby?

Flybobby: I'm going to show little miss archaic science here a thing or two about logic!

Mr.B: Okay, but take a hall pass.

[A few minutes pass in awkward anticipation]

Flybobby: AAAAAAAaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

[Flybobby falls past the windows at an incredible rate of speed and impacts the ground sending little Flybobbybits flying about]

Little Susie: See? Told you he couldn't fly.

Mr.B: We can't prove that, Little Susie.

Little Susie: What are you talking about? He just fell to his death!

Mr.B: Indeed he did but that only proves that he DIDN'T fly, not that he COULDN'T fly. Now, class, I would like to suggest a minute of silence in memoriam to our lost Flybobby but I haven't the slightest idea if that is allowed this year or not. So, on to class. First order of business is preparations for our field trip next week to the First United Meeting Place of the Subordinate Intelligent Entity to the Unknown Intelligent Entity that Created Everything. Does everybody have their permission slips?

Class: Yeah!

Little Susie: I won't be coming, Mr.B

Mr.B: Why ever not, Little Susie?

Little Susie: Mommy said we're moving back to California. There's less nuts there.

So you see, Intelligent Design could easily and successfully be shoehorned into a modern and vibrant science curriculum. What's the problem?