Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
December 14, 2004
The Evil Ones
(Category: Snooze Button Dreams )

I think it might be possible that our children have been replaced with evil clones. Or perhaps the natural evil aura of the kitten has infected them? Maybe alien implants. Whatever the source, we're talking pint sized packs of evil.

Don't believe me? Ask Bear. He's been warning us for the past couple months, saying "My brothers are evil". He also says that about the kitten, lending credence to the evil infection theory.

They talk in tongues too. It started with Burger and a nonsense phrase he was happily babbling to himself while riding his bike. From out of nowhere we heard "dar dar dar dar dar dar". Of course we thought this was hilarious. Our attempts to learn the source of "dar dar dar" have met a blank wall. We chalked it up to being a Burgerism.

Then it started to spread. At any time you might hear any of our kids or the neighbor's kids doing the "dar dar dar dar" chant. Just an innocent Burgerism? I'm beginning to think it's like the "beep" warning you get when your smoke detector battery is running low. Time for the aliens to recharge the brain implants, or something like that.

Not that the evil quotient seems to be reduced by any measure.

At the dinner table the other night Burger was doing the "dar dar" chant when he hit a clear patch of vocabulary with “I’m the fucking baby around here” followed smoothly by another round of “dar dar dar dar dar”. It was so smooth that Lovely Wife and I couldn’t be sure that we had heard what we thought we heard. So we asked him. And he proudly repeated it with an angelic smile upon his face.

I regret to say that discipline was spotty as both of us had gut aches from laughing so hard.

Evil. Cute, but definitely evil.

Posted by Jim | Permalink
Comments

I think we might have to use the ole soap rinse to get those filthy mouthes cleaned out.

If he just wouldn't be so DAMN CUTE!

Posted by: LW at December 14, 2004 02:45 PM

Having read your Tactfully Correct post, you're raising some little hell raiser there. What did you expect? King James Version English?

Posted by: Norma at December 14, 2004 03:17 PM

King James had quite the foul mouth, actually. And it's not like we can complain about Burger's diction - the boy's got his gerunds in place, as it were.

Posted by: Jim at December 14, 2004 03:30 PM

My unsolicited observations:

1. Cuteness is a deadly weapon. I mean, DEADLY. Nothing is more debilitating to a parent and their discipline. I personally have been brought to my knees by cuteness.

2. What the hell is a gerund? (I've always considered myself up on my grammar and usage, but never learned what a gerund is).

Posted by: diamond dave at December 14, 2004 04:53 PM

All i know is that there is no reason to ever split an infinitive. And yes, Cuteness is the single most debilitating force that evil has ever mastered.
-t

Posted by: tommy at December 14, 2004 09:00 PM

son#3... if he were not so cute, he would not have made it to age 5. Even his teachers tell me so. Scary stuff, that cuteness.

Posted by: Boudicca at December 14, 2004 10:23 PM

You want to know gerunds? Trey knows gerunds.

Posted by: Jim at December 15, 2004 05:14 AM

Have you checked the sewers for Evil Clowns? Sounds like Pennywise is behind this....

Posted by: Susie at December 15, 2004 07:26 AM

A chip off the old block, eh? Excellent. It is a sign that bodes well.

Posted by: RP at December 15, 2004 08:25 AM

Um.

Not to worry anyone, but I used to make that sound all the time. And even though I've never heard it, I know exactly how and why they're doing it, too.

It's worse than you think!

That's all the masters are permitting me to say.

Posted by: Trey Givens at December 17, 2004 08:46 PM
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