It has been a few years since I traveled by plane. The last time I flew was before 9/11. Things have changed. Now when you go to the counter to check in there are self-serve kiosks to help speed the way. Unfortunately these require many of the same skills that you need to operate a microwave oven (besides pressing the "popcorn" button). Also very unfortunately the average traveler seems to lack so much as the ability to use a calculator. The net result is that it still takes the same amount of time to check in but now you are pissed at your fellow travelers instead of the counter personnel.

A cheeseburger and a slice of cake will cost $35 if you order it through room service. This includes tax, $2.50 delivery fee plus mandatory 19% gratuity. When you sign the slip to charge it to your room there is a line for additional tip. Yeah, right-o Buckwheat. Try again.

Michigan Ave in Chicago is a full strip of some of the greatest boutiques, shops and vendors you'll find anywhere. It can stand toe to toe with upscale merchant districts in any major metropolis in the world. The bag most frequently seen in my travels down Michigan Ave? The Gap. You can take the rube out of the mall but you can't take the mall out of the rube.

If you get off of the elevator on the wrong floor you have no realistic chance of getting into your room. When you then figure that you just forgot your room number and try your passkey on other doors nearby you just might discover that one of them opens. When you enter the room thinking that it's yours and see two double beds instead of a king size and a laptop that certainly isn't yours plus strange luggage you get a peculiar Twilight Zone feeling. The realization that you're on the wrong floor and this isn't your room that you just unlocked with your passkey will quite likely be immediately followed by a vow to use your room safe.

At the little Italian bistro across the street you can get a bowl of pasta that no human could possibly finish plus fresh Italian bread and the beverage of your choice for about $10. Beats the shit out of a room service cheeseburger.

There's a nostalgia factor to using a modem. I get a bit of a lift when I hear the tonal handshake betwixt my laptop (yeah, it's a loaner but it's my bitch for the moment) and the PeoplePC server. I met Lovely Wife over a modem after all.

PeoplePC sucks the big monkey. I cannot send email through my very own email server when I'm connected to them. Probably some sort of controlling mechanism to prevent people from spamming with PeoplePC accounts. You also have to connect using their dialer instead of the perfectly functioning Windows dialer and you must keep their advertising page open for the duration of your online session. Free just doesn't buy what it used to any more.

They aren't kidding about that "Windy City" thing. It's not always windy but that's only to lull you into a false sense of confidence. That way when you get to the point where you think you can walk again the fresh gust of wind can toss you into the river.

When you go on a trip out of town, don't forget your camera. Even if you aren't a picture taker by nature you'll end up seeing some centuries old gothic cathedral with the sun setting behind it, the ancient lines of course hewn marble presenting a shocking contrast to the glittering facades of high-rises on either side and you'll then be forced to make a valiant attempt at kicking yourself in the ass for not having your camera.

The House of Blues is across the street from the hotel I stayed in. Cover charge at The House of Blues is $35. That sounds steep until you compare it to the price of a cheeseburger.