Awards are way, way down at the bottom of the extended entry of the post. Sort of like the way they save Best Picture for last.
The last points awarded were for comments on this post and the pictures therein. The most definitive (and frightening) picture bears reposting:
The winning entries
1st place (5 points): Helen with "Social services intervened when it was revealed a local couple made their children fight to the death, all for the prize of just being able to wear a shirt."
2nd place (3 points): Emma with "Whatever doesn't kill them before they are ten will be a fine personality trait when they are 30."
3rd place (1 points): Simon with "No children were harmed in the production of this story."
Emma gets honorable mention and a bonus point for offering to babysit the spawn my kids. Victor gets a point for his excellent impersonation of a French politician.
These points got added into the running total for the final standings of the 2003-2004 season:
FIRST PLACE: Rob, with 42 points
SECOND Place: Simon, with 36.5 points
Third Place: Tiffani, with 35.5 points
Heavy Hitters
Mike the Marine, 34 points
jimi, 24 points
Ilyka, 21 points
Clancy, 20 points
Susie, 18 points
Helen, 17 points
MojoMark, 15 points
Also Ran
14 points: Sue
13 points: Emma
10 points: Ryan, DeAnna
8 points: Tiffany
6 points: LeeAnn, Christine (Bull), notGeorge
5 points: Rube
4 points: Joey, Mike, Victor,
3 points: Andrew, AlGore, Pylorns, Barry, Gary, Lovely Wife, Pixy Misa, Jeremy Another Rob, Alex
2 points: TPB, Esq., Phillip, Harvey, Trudy, mitzi, tommy, Jennifer, shank
1 point: Dan, Jay, Kinayda, Ted, Dave, Kiril, goldie, Kate, Denny, wendell, Kevin, Claire, Rachel Ann
The top three finishers will enjoy top billing and pride of place on my sidebar for the entire next year. Rob was the clear winner for first place and has earned a piece of Jimstory (provided he's brave enough to give me his address) along with the anecdote that makes it worthwhile. I'll say only that it won't cost much of anything in tarriffs and it will likely make no sense whatsoever until the anecdote is published (the story is Protomonkey worthy) and that it can be used at any adult gathering unless prohibited by law or good manners. How's that for tempting?
Ok I have a couple of questions but first I'd like to thanks a few people without whom this victory could not have been possible ...
I'd like to say thanks to *YURK!!!*
Ok I can take a hint - Jim, put the walking stick down!
Now what is a piece of Jim Story and why do you need my address? Am I missing the blatently obvious here or what?
Oh and thankstomymumdadandfamilywithoutwho ... *YARK!!!*
Third place aint so bad. eh?
Rob - A piece of Jimstory is an actual artifact from my life. A piece of me that you can treasure for all time, or until the police come to confiscate it, whichever comes first. This particular piece is actually a duplicate of the ones I've used in several unmentionable ways but it is itself in pristine and unmolested condition. The address is needed because I've got to ship it to you.
By the way, and completely unrelated, do you have a rubber suit?
Tiffani - Keep telling yourself that. ;-)
Whoo!!!
I get a piece, possibly toxic, almost definitely gross of Jim ... Jim's Life.
Thankyou!
(and no I don't own a rubber suit. will neoprene cut it?)
My life is now complete.
I'm on the list. I'M ON THE LIST!
I get so excited about stuff like that. It kinda makes me think I could've enjoyed Communist Russia.
I'm in the line. I'M IN THE LINE!
I need to get a life. Soon.
You know, I really should read this rag more often so that I know when I'm being insulted.
I love it when you "honorable mention" me.
Gad, WHO needs the life? Heh.
This also-ran is also-thrilled! This's the bestest thang I've won since Ed McMahon quit the PCH!!! What a day What a day . . .