A Perfectly Cromulent Blog has odds posted for which Simpsons character will be coming out of the closet. There's pretty good analysis there but there's one glaring problem - no Duff Man.

That's right, the hidden gay character in the Simpsons is none other than Duff Man himself. That's right. Duff Man. The symbol of drunken debauchery, high times and overconsumption is the closet gay. Hard to believe? Think Spudz McKenzie. The beer drinking world was shocked to the core when it was discovered that Spudz was a female dog. We'll be seeing Homer and the rest of the lushes questioning their own masculinity as Duff beer sales crash. Of course a certain segment of the population will gain an appreciation for the beverage but it won't quite make the transfer to trendy drink.

We'll see a suddenly effeminate Duff Man tossed out on his fabulous keister and befriended by Homer and family who, in typical fashion, will build him back up to the point where he challenges Duff corporate types and wins back his job. During the recovery watch for a scene at Moe's and interaction with many of Springfield's more "sensitive" characters. At least one (probably Smithers) will be drafted by Homer to provide a source of inspiration for DM.

I should be a comic writer. I really should.