Y'all thought that Easter was about how Jesus died for our sins, didn't ya? Well, with Bill Cimino around we're going to need a new sacrifice soon. The evidence:

Bad people killed Jesus who is the son of God. Don't ask me why. It's a long story. And don't ask me why God didn't save his own son because I don't know that either. Ask God. But don't expect an answer any time soon. He's not real talkative. Now shut up and listen. So Jesus is dead and they throw him into a cave. Three days later he rises from the dead. As a bunny. Yes, he has long ears and a fuzzy tail. And a beard. Then he ascends to heaven in a ballon type thing made out of a basket and marshmellow chicken rabbits which is where peeps come from. That's also where Easter baskets come from. And today, once a year, Easter bunny Jesus travels the Earth in his Peep Balloon leaving candy and Caramel-filled Eggs and stinky, colored, hard-boiled eggs for all the good little girls and boys. And he hands out leg of lamb to all the adults. That's where "lamb of God" comes from. Now go to sleep or you'll make Easter bunny Jesus angry.

(Hat tip to Jen, Queen of Historica)