Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
Snooze Button Dreams
February 13, 2004
Stop eating that crazy beef!
(Category: True Stories )

PETA, through one of its sham front organizations, is getting the message out to just say NO to mad cow beef. PETA wants us to avoid eating beef, totally concerned over our health and the dangers of mad cow disease, right? But we really, really, really like to eat meat. Is this an impasse?

Heck no! I'm always trying to help folks out and I think I have the perfect solution here. Any time you were going to eat beef, substitute veal instead. See, it takes quite a few years for mad cow disease to manifest to a communicable state. If we kill the cows when they're babies we'll be safe, just like PETA wants!

Just say NO to those 100% USDA all beef burgers. Go for veal burgers instead! Meatloaf is a no-no. Cook up some wholesome and satisfying vealloaf! Beefsteak, no. Vealsteak, yeah!

There are some great side benefits to removing beef from our lives and going for veal instead. All those cows don't have to spend agonizing years in miserable captivity (PETA's very sad about this). They'll only spend a fraction of the time that they are now since they'll be slaughtered for veal while quite young. With the demand for beef going down and the demand for veal going up the price of beef will rise (this will make PETA happy) and the price for veal will decline (this will make us safety concious diners happy).

Everybody wins if we switch from beef to veal. We're safe from the dangers of mad cow disease and PETA doesn't have all of those grown cows to fret over! Support the cause, eat a vealburger today!

(Hat tip to Michele)

Posted by Jim | Permalink
Comments

moooooooo

Posted by: Robert at February 13, 2004 12:05 PM

Look, I am tired of being the last darn vegetarian out here.

Stop eating beef.
Stop eating veal (which was NEVER ok)
Stop eating poultry.
Stop eating fish.

Then your life will be going as well as mine will.

Uh...maybe that's not a good pitch line after all.

Posted by: Helen at February 13, 2004 02:59 PM

If god hadn't wanted us to eat cows he wouldn't have made them so slow and tasty.

Posted by: Jim at February 13, 2004 07:33 PM

What about Bird Flu? Should we start eating chicks instead of full grown chickens?

Helen, I go vegetarian at least one meal a day whether I want to or not.

Posted by: Johnny Huh? at February 14, 2004 12:05 AM

I feel so bad...I had chicken nuggets yesterday and a buger on thursday.:-O
I also abused my kids.They had the same stuff for dinner and my oldest actually had a birthday party at McDonalds yesterday.He ate a burger.BUT...my friend baught it for him and paied for it,so I am out of trouble there...
;-)

Posted by: LW at February 14, 2004 12:16 PM

I can't spell.It should be bOught,not bAught.
I guess its my parents fault because the fed me meat as a child...

Posted by: LW at February 14, 2004 12:23 PM

actually it was more the "buger on thursday" that caught my eye but never mind

Posted by: Rob at February 14, 2004 04:19 PM

Ooops!
Mijn excuse:
I am German.:0)

Posted by: LW at February 14, 2004 06:39 PM

With 138 cases of human involved mad-cow world wide, I think I got a better chance of winning the lottery *while* geting hit by lightening *and* eating a nice, juicy steak dripping in lemon and browned butter, maybe wrapped in bacon, like they used to do with filets ...er, where was I?

Posted by: Claire at February 15, 2004 07:49 PM

Mmmmm...bacon...

Posted by: Jim at February 16, 2004 11:07 AM

Although PETA is evil, there is no need to kill baby cows...for food. Just kill 'em for any old reason. Looking into picking up a hobby? Try killing baby cows! That's what I do.

I wish a baby cow would fellate me. I have issues.

Posted by: YESSSSSSSSS! at May 26, 2004 10:05 PM

Hey, noooooooooooo. [hope I spelled that right]
Are *you* young? Tender?
Do ya move a little sloooow? [--like ya think]
hm mmmmmmm?

Posted by: Sarah Bellum at May 26, 2004 10:36 PM

This is crazy........I am thinking about not eating at all anything ever???? OK maybe a protein shake??hahaha

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