Idea totally ripped off from Don.

As God walks off into the sunset chuckling heartily over his victory against Don, Jim pops up in that annoying arms-waving-about-attracting-attention manner of his.

Jim: Hey, wait up!

God waits for Jim to catch up.

Jim: Hi! How are things going?

God: Just fine, thank you.

Jim: Great! Say, could I bother you for a question?

God: You just asked one.

Jim: Well, how about one more?

God: One more than the first one?

Jim: Yes.

God: You already asked that.

At this point, Jim gets smart.

Jim: May I ask two questions, God?

God: No.

Jim: May I ask ONE then?

God: Nope.

Jim: Then may I ask, God, how I may ask you a question?

God: Yes, you may.

Jim: God, how may I ask you a question?

God: You must ask for retroactive question asking privileges for the number of questions you have asked, then ask for that number plus two, one for the current question, and one for the next one.

Jim: God, may I ask nine questions?

God: Go right ahead.

Jim: Say somebody pokes fun at you on his blog. You know, in a humorous fashion with no real blasphemous intent. What happens when that person dies?

God: They go to hell. Straight to hell. Do not pass Go, do not collect an Instalanche.

Jim: May I ask you two more questions?

God: Just ask, Jim. That joke is too weak to carry through an entire post.

Jim: Right. Okay, well, isn't that a bit harsh? I mean a bit of harmless joking around lands you in eternal torment?

God: Eternal torment? Where'd you get that from? I mean that is SO Old Testament. No, hell is more like a Greyhound station in New Jersey now. It may seem like an eternal torment but it's really just an hour or two longer than you expected.

Jim: Oh. I see. Well, isn't it still a bit harsh? It seems sort of Eisner-esque if you get my drift. One word about the big guy and hey, you're out of the magic kingdom.

God: Yeah, you got me there. We don't really boot people for little stuff like that any more. I just wanted to work in the Monopoly joke. I love Monopoly.

Jim: So what are the important rules then? What T's need to be crossed and what I's need to be dotted to get through the pearly gates?

God: Rules? What in MY name makes you people so horny over rules? Look, it's really simple. I laid it all out for you eons ago. I keep sending prophets to tell y'all the same thing over and over. The only thing you need to do is to be good to each other.

Jim: Wait, let me guess. And "party on, dude"?

God: Yeah.

Jim: You totally ripped that off from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.

God: Did I? Who said my prophets all have to be hemp sandal types?

Jim: What? You mean Keanu Reeves is a prophet?!

God: I wish! Talk about potential for market saturation. No, it was the other one.

Jim: I can't remember that guy's name.

God: You and everybody else. Not my biggest success story.

Jim: Any other big time losers?

God: The other guy from Wham.

Jim: Ouch.

God: Tell me about it.

Jim: But back to the topic at hand...basically all we've got to do is live our lives without being total dicks?

God: Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Jim: So am I...you know...have I been doing okay?

God: You're doing fine, Jim.

Jim: Whew!

God: Don't let it get to your head now.

Jim: I won't, God. I promise.

God: I'm going to have to get going now. It was really nice talking with you.

Jim: You too, God. A genuine honor.

God: Great. See you next week. Bye!

Jim: Next week? Cool! You're coming back to chat again?

God: Um, no. I meant...uh...never mind. Forget I said anything. See you at some indeterminate date in the future. Bye now!

Jim: Crap.

(Hat tip to G for the "ask a question" joke)