A while ago while jesting about some of the searches that find my site I made an offer for people to send in their homoerotic dreams for me to interpret them. The response has been absolutely overwhelming and of a broader scope than simple interpretation. There are people out there who need my advice and help and by gosh I'm gonna give it to 'em! I've been answering these inquiries personally but have culled a select few to share with the readership at large.
Doctor Jim,I discovered my homosexuality several years ago and have been doing my best to become comfortable with myself and explore my sexuality. I am very happy with just about everything except for my one major failing. I am unable to come up with any genuine homoerotic fantasies and I have never had a homoerotic dream. Can you help?
Todd,
San Francisco, CA
Todd,
The problem you are manifesting is that you aren't gay enough yet. This is normal as you came into your sexuality late in life and are pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, so to speak. You aren't having homoerotic dreams because you have not managed to come up with any homoerotic fantasies. Once you come up with a couple of those you should be home free. Let me start you off with one of my own favorite homoerotic fantasies:
I'm alone in bed and it is absolutely pitch black. I feel a warm body to either side of me but I can't move to touch them. From each side a warm hand begins touching and stroking me. A throaty voice says "Don't worry, Lover. We'll be gentle." Paralyzed as I am I can only lay there and experience the sensual touches of the hands, lips, and bodies of my unseen lovers. After an earth shattering orgasm brought on by the skillful fellatic actions of my companions I can move again. I turn on the bedside light and see them for the first time. It's Demi Moore and Cathy Ireland. We fuck like rabbits.
Dr. Jim,I am a 23 year old fitness instructor and part time fashion model for the Fredrick's of Hollywood catalog. I'm a bit confused and hope you can help me. I am a heterosexual woman who has never even been bi-curious but I have the most sensual homoerotic dreams you can imagine. In different dreams I have been taken by amazons, seduced my secretary, had lockerroom mob sex with a girls' field hockey team and even performed sex tricks for an S&M she-wolf. Yesterday I dreamed that I was having sex with my two nubile sisters (we're identical triplets). What does this all mean?
Tiffany,
Sacramento, CA
Tiffany,
Don't worry, you aren't homosexual. You are, however, bisexual and your struggle to suppress this is coming through your subconsious in your dreams. Continuing to fight these normal, healthy urges will no doubt result in severe psychosis so I strongly urge you to embrace your bisexuality. As you are a triplet, your sisters are suffering from the same problem and you must do your best to help them accept their own dual sexual natures.
As far as what to do - you already know this. Your subconcious has given you specific instructions on how to cope. Fulfull your subconcious fantasies and you will be well on your way to a normal and happy life.
From a clinical standpoint your case interests me quite a bit and I would very much like to help you through this entire process of acclimating to your new sexuality. As you work though these fantasy fulfillment exercises I would like you to tape the encounters and send them to me at [address deleted]. I will analyze the tapes and then be able to give you feedback on your progress and also be able to suggest further exercises to help you through this trying time.
Dear Dr. Jim,Thanks for nothing! I tried that so called "homoerotic" fantasy and it knocked me straight. Now what do I tell my boyfriend?
Jerk!
Todd,
San Francisco, CA
Todd,
Don't worry. Hundreds of men live perfectly normal lives as raging heterosexuals. It may take you a bit of time to adapt but remember, you played for this team before. It shouldn't take you long to get back "in the saddle".
That's it for this edition. Look for more soon and keep an eye out for my video series "The Torrid Triplets", coming soon to an adult bookstore near you.
Update: From the comments:
Dear Dr. Jim,For a long time now, I have been obsessed with a man. Not bunny-cooking obsessed, since that is the next step to pure, unadulterated obsession, I mean the mild, "I-can't-get-you-out-of-my-mind-and-want-to-have-your-baby" obsessed.
I hang on his every word. Occasionally, he throws me a banana peel, I save it and sleep with it, throwing it away only after it is no longer acceptable as a nighttime companion or a possible mastubatory tool. I can't stop thinking about this man. I can't hide it anymore, I must confess-that man is you! It's the cow picture! It makes me so HOT!
Help me, Dr. Jim, help me!
Obsessed Future Bunny Cooker
Dear Obsessed,
This is perfectly normal behavior and you should not be concerned. From reading my works you most likely already realize that I have this effect on most women.
The key to defeating your obsession is to recognize the symbology you have described. Obviously you are seeing the udder as a breast and my sucking on it as a sexual act. This does not imply that you see yourself as the cow, of course! You are, without a doubt, a very lithe and nimble bodied chick. You must understand, however, that sucking on the teat of a cow is not a sexual act like sucking on a breast would be. It's barely even foreplay as far as the cow is concerned.
To continue our symbologic analysis; you are substituting a banana peel for a different item entirely. Specifically, your are using that in place of a shoe filled with butter. Once again you must understand that a shoe filled with butter is not a sexual object, it is a work of art.
I hope this knowledge will help you to control your obsession. If not please let me know so I can keep an eye on the international flight schedules.
And I thought you were demented BEFORE you posted this. What was I thinking?
That was so funny tears were pouring. Good one, Mate. Perhaps my Dr. Ruth needs to concede to your Dr. Ruth!
Dear Dr. Jim,
For a long time now, I have been obsessed with a man. Not bunny-cooking obsessed, since that is the next step to pure, unadulterated obsession, I mean the mild, "I-can't-get-you-out-of-my-mind-and-want-to-have-your-baby" obsessed.
I hang on his every word. Occasionally, he throws me a banana peel, I save it and sleep with it, throwing it away only after it is no longer acceptable as a nighttime companion or a possible mastubatory tool. I can't stop thinking about this man. I can't hide it anymore, I must confess-that man is you! It's the cow picture! It makes me so HOT!
Help me, Dr. Jim, help me!
//Future Bunny Cooker, Will Settle for Bovine Molestation
Obsessed,
Your plight has touched me and I have taken time from my very busy schedule to update my post with the solution to your problem.
Best of luck,
Dr. Jim
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