There's been a lot of chatter about the rash of "freak" deaths in the past couple days. There's the decapitated doc, the amusement park fellow who was snagged by a ride and then scalped and dropped to his death, and the visitor to Vegas who was electrocuted by a traffic signal box.

Bull pucky.

These are not freak deaths. They are candidates for The Darwin Awards. Let me show you why.

Terrible? Yes. A freak accident? No. Cause of death was stupidity. He was spraying lubricant on the tracks while the ride was operating! I am neither a carny nor an engineer but my very most basic intelligence tells me not to be working on the tracks when the train is coming.

Regretable? Absolutely. Unpredictable, against the odds accident? No. Cause of death is once again stupidity. Add it up: Powerful Weekend Thunderstorm + No Shoes + Stepping On Electrical Control Box = Idiot.

A horrible loss of an apparently wonderfully caring physician? It sure is. Once in a million happenstance? Not really. Cause of death is mostly stupidity. I'll probably get some grief for this one but I'm plunging forward anyway.

The doors trapped him by the shoulders. Try to imagine in your mind how in the world a pair of vertical sliding doors can close and trap somebody's shoulders. First of all the doors have to be either closing incredibly quickly or just about closed already. The doors moving quickly scenario is not feasible. The motors that work them are strong but they are not fast. They simply do not have the ability to move the doors appreciably faster than we are used to seeing them move. Second, the person must be fairly horizontal - it didn't catch his torso, body, etceteras, just his shoulders (plural). How in the world could our unfortunate doc be in at least a semi-horizontal position entering an elevator with doors that were mostly closed? The obvious situation suggested (demanded, really) by the facts is that he was rushing into the closing elevator trying to engage the safety stop so the doors would open. We've all seen it. Most of us have done it. Most people don't put in a whole torso like this fellow but at least a hand or arm is far too often used to trip that rubber bumper so we don't have to wait for the next elevator. Although the attempted action is fairly common it sure isn't intelligent. Pushing in head first is downright dumb. Now add in that this particular elevator was known to have mechanical problems and you can see why I count this cause of death as stupidity (even if you don't agree with me).

So to summarize, these are definite tragedies. Loss of human life generally is. They were not, however, the freak accidents they are being portrayed as. The real moral of these stories is to use basic safety precautions and common sense. Do not work on train tracks when the train is coming. Do not walk barefoot onto electrical boxes during a thunderstorm. Do not thrust body parts into large moving metal plates, especially when you know they aren't working correctly.

Use your head, or you just might lose it.