I despise watchdog groups. I especially despise familycentric-holier-than-thou-if-you're-not-with-us-you-are-obviously-a-scumbag-child-molester-with-no-concept-of-decency-or-right-watchdog-groups whos entire goal is to censor what I am allowed to watch through self important proselytizing. I heard about the news article linked in the title of this post this morning on the radio and was flabbergasted to such an extent that I simply had to do some fisking. Let's begin.

It is a show about crime. It is the number one show on CBS because it is well acted and written and uses real crimes as the gestalt for the plotlines. In the real world, where I live, there are such things as cannibalism, S&X sex clubs and snuff films.

What does the time slot matter? This is an adult show, don't let your kids watch it! Turn the freaking TV off for once! "Family Hour" in my house involves tickling, wrestling, game playing and building castles out of Duplo blocks, not vegging in front of the bloody television.

Really? How do you deal with child rape in a manner suitable to the PTC?

Archie: The victim seems to have been touched in a bad way in her personal place.

Gil: The guy we're looking for must be a very bad person.

I appreciate Chris' need to defuse the situation but there's nothing noble at all about attempted censorship.

Uh huh. In fact, when you look at the "approved shows" from this group you find a strange corellation between "faith in God" and presence on the list.

Their site is a trip as well. When you first hit it you are greeted by a nice eye catching message:

After all, that's the easiest way for them to impose their morals on you. The vocal minority is a very powerful tool. Get enough people to harrass the FCC and they'll puke on a show to shut people up. Then the network censors will take care of the rest out of fear and overreaction. They brag that they have 800,000 members and growing. Make that 800,002 because Tickl M. Elmo and Fudgebar Rider just became members too. I wonder if some of the first 800,000 might be um...spurious.

The PTC rates each show with a green, yellow or red light to let you know if it's "safe". Green is good. Yellow is on the shady side. Red is right out. Let's see what the PTC wants us to watch this week. Tonight from 8:00 to 10:30 there is a fantastic selection of approved shows. Well, there's one approved show. America's Funniest Home Videos is aparently the only show that's safe for your family. Boston Public gets the red light in Sex, Language, Violence and Overall categories. That nefarious corrupter of family values, Reba gets a yellow light for Sex. Sex. On Reba. Right. Drilling down to the review on the show we find the problem:

Of course. Discussing teen pregnancy in a mature manner, in context and appropriate to the time slot is a yellow flag. Plus Reba is a redhead and you know they're all wonton harlots.

Moving to Saturday our choice remains precisely one show, Candid Camera. Oh, Sweet Jesus. Put a pencil in my eye. Please.

Sunday is a veritable cornucopia of fun with more Candid Camera at 8:00 followed by Doc at 9:00. Never heard of Doc? Not surprising. It's on PAX and stars that renouned actor Billy Ray Cyrus, who plays a eunich doctor from the country who finds himself in New York City. Hillarity ensues. I'm not sure just how much hillarity because:

Which is, of course, what is required to earn the green light from PTC.

Following Doc Billy is Sue Thomas F.B.Eye which I can't muster enough interest in to click the link to find out what it is about and just how a cop show avoids language, violence or sexual content.

On Monday we have two shows to pick from but they are unfortunately both on at the same time. So do we watch Yes, Dear or 7th Heaven? Easy question. 7th Heaven is a favorite show for Lovely Wife and I. But how did it get the green light here? It has featured storylines about teen pregnancy, child abuse, theft, infidelity, alcoholism, drug abuse, racism and even child abandonment. The show info from PTC doesn't really help explain why 7th Heaven gets a by when Reba got slammed. I believe it has more to do with the fact that 7th Heaven is the most popular show for all of the actual members of the PTC and if they gave it less than a green light there would be mutiny. Ye olde double standard.

Moving through the week we get more oatmeal programming with return visits by Candid Camera and Doc with other such drivel as Three's Still Company But Without Boobage 8 Simple Rules and George Lopez (a show which has only one saving grace - Constance Marie, who is so hot she sets off sprinkler systems on a regular basis).

In short, crap, crap, more crap, loads of crap, 7th Heaven, crap, crap, crap.

But the Parents Television Council doesn't stop with television. Oh, no. That would be a travesty. If they actually followed their own charter they wouldn't be able to attack the movie industry, singers and Target. Or even Powell who is brought to task for his apparent lack of concern for decency standards. As you know, Powell is the single most important decision maker regarding decency standards in the United States.

Anyway, I'm going to wrap this up now because I'm sick of the subject and any of you who have read this far probably are as well. My summary: The PTC is just another power club trying to impose its moral code on others through intimidation and censorship.