Except it was Sunday and it was the 28th and the month was September. Otherwise it happened just like in that song. Well, the song title anyway. There weren't any dancin' people or ice cream salesmen and there certainly weren't any people saying "Eicay varee', eisee' nardee'". So I guess it was only tangentially like that song. But isn't "tangentially" a cool word? It's really close to "tangenitally", which isn't a word but has "genital" in it and that's funny.

Anyway, took the happily family plus canine for a walk in the park yesterday. Canine is always leashed because he's a moron and will run off at any and every opportunity. He'll then run through the neighborhood pretending to be the Great Rabbit Hunter. We don't have any rabbits in our neighborhood but this doesn't phase him. We do have a load of feral cats and he thinks they are rabbits. He is consistently amazed at the tree climbing prowess of the local rabbit population. Eventually, when both of his brain cells happen to fire at the same time, he will realize that he is A) Hungry and B) Not the Great Rabbit Hunter. He'll then lope on home wearing a shit-eating grin and shit-rolled-in fur so Lovely Wife can do her Academy Award winning performance of "Dog owner who is furious enough to bite dog's ear off but has to act happy and nice so the moron dog won't take off again but oh wait until we're inside the house cause then your ass is mine except not really because said dog owner is afraid that if she lets the moron dog know she's angry then maybe just maybe the next time the moron dog runs off he might be afraid to come back at all as if I could be so lucky so instead he gets bribed with treats and canned food that makes him fart like Ted Kennedy after a weekend bender thereby reinforcing in his tiny little mind that running away is a good thing so he is encouraged to do it again".

This particular park is more than one neighborhood away so canine is carefully leashed. Should canine get loose here he would be completely unable to find his way home. Yes I've heard the amazing stories of dogs that travel thousands of miles, swim the Atlantic and get part time jobs as restroom attendants in order to find their way home. Those are smart dogs. We're talking Benji smart. Pull Timmy out of the well smart. Our dog is more on the intelligence level of a laboratory test subject. After the tests.

While in the park we met a real dog. Don't get me wrong, canine isn't one of those little ankle biters. When Lovely Wife decided we needed a dog I gave her the basic criteria: Any "dog" that can be heaved one handed over the roof will be. Canine is a beagle/terrier mutt and a decent 30 pounds so he passes the heave test (barely cleared the gutters). This dog we met in the park was a real dog though. "Great Dane" real. "This is my couch find your own" real. "187 pounds of imitation pony" real. Wow.

This massive beast, who we'll call "Opie" ('cause that was his name), was also very friendly in a "You will do exactly what I want and I won't consume your children. Deal?" sort of way. Nah, I'm not being fair. Opie really was friendly. Aloof but friendly. Its just when you encounter something that unbelievably large it takes a minute or two before the "fight or flight" reflex settles into the "deal with it, he can catch you if you run and swallow you whole if you don't" reflex. And when he yawned his jaws were the approximate size of the baby stroller. And where'd Burger go? And just why does my kid have to have a food nickname at a time like this? Oh, there he is, standing upright underneath the horse dog. Isn't that nice? Now where are my glycerin tabs?

The kids loved him. Couldn't get enough of him. Petting, hugging, kissing, rubbing, you name it. Everything short of copulation was performed. Our canine seemed visibly shaken. That's understandable as this behemoth was more than 6 times his size. Normally canine isn't bothered by a minor fact like his rival being larger. He's like the Joe Pesci of dogs, small and belligerent like if he refuses to acknowledge that his opponent is bigger than he is then maybe the opponent won't realize it either. I guess after a certain point there's just no need to fake it anymore and Opie was a good 80 pounds over that point. So canine sat there and pouted while his kids showered love on the interloper.

So now Lovely Wife wants a Great Dane. They're really great dogs, see? It's right there in the name. And they don't really take up a lot of space because they mostly just lay around all the time. They don't even realize that they're that big. They think they're a lap dog. Yeah, that's exactly what I want. A 187 pound mobile speed bump that wants to lay in my lap. I told her she could get one as long as she trades in an equal weight of current pets. She was not amused.