WARNING: Crude and vulgar stuff ahead.

On the ride into work today, G and I got on Hillary Clinton. Not literally on her, of course; she wasn't in the car with us. But we talked about her in the context of the 2008 election and what would happen if it came down to Condi and Hill. G thinks Condi would blow her away. I also think Condi would win but it would be close.

>From there the conversation naturally turned to sex with Hillary. Yes, that is a natural turn of conversation given the ungodly hour, the fact that she's female and that we are both heterosexual males. Actually the stream of conversation went sort of like this:

• Rush Limbaugh is a racist bastard. He intimated that McNabb is a popular quaterback because he's black and people want to see a successful black quarterback.


• That's just plain stupid thinking. 20 years ago it might have been plausible but there are loads of black quaterbacks, coaches, etc.


• Even outside of sports it's not plausible. Look at the Bush government. Conaleeza Rice and Colin Powell are two of the most powerful people in America and they're black.


• Either Colin or Condi will probably run in 2008.


• Bush is a lock in 2004 because the Radical Left is polarizing the Dems.


• Hillary is setting up for a 2008 run too. She's marginalizing the Left Dems already and will be in an excellent position to say "Told ya so. Let's try it my way" when Bush squashes whatever loon makes it out of the current Dem candidate pack to challenge him.


• Condi vs. Hillary in 2008 is not only possible, it's actually likely.


• Condi would crush Hill (G) or at least win on a margin (Me).


• I hate Hillary with a deep burning passion.


• I don't hate Hillary as a person but as a public persona and especially as a politician.


• I wouldn't hold it against Hillary if she slept around on Bill.


• Would you sleep with Hillary?

That last point of the conversation got the most development. It devolved evolved into a hypothetical situation. If you were unattached would you screw Hillary? This would be a boytoy position where she gives you presents and you regularly fuck her brains out. For both G and I the answer was a firm "Yes, I would most certainly bury my cock in that muff on a regular basis in return for gifts and perhaps notoriety. Where are my manwhore shoes?"

Before I lose all of your respect, please let me answer some of the inevitable questions:

You said you hate her. Why would you have sex with somebody you hate?
I don't hate her, the person. Unlike many very vocal pundits I am more than able to separate the person from the politician. I have never personally met Hillary so I have no idea if I would actually hate her. I hate her lying, cheating, power grubbing, Clintonian ways. For all I know she's quite pleasant in person. In fact, she's probably quite charming face to face. You sort of have to be to get into a Senate seat.

Okay then, if you hate her policies so much and think she's a lying, thieving, cheating crook then isn't it a clash of your principles to be involved with her?
No, this is not a clash with my principles. I still wouldn't be voting for her, I'd just be gifting her with the pearl necklace on a semi-regular basis. There's a big difference. I don't agree with many of the political views of my wife but I still bang her.

Isn't she a bit "old" for you?
All right, I'll admit that Hill isn't a great looker. On the other hand, she's not a sow either. Contrary to modern advertisers' claims, it is not necessary for a woman to look like Cameron Diaz to attract a mate. I also don't have hangups about age. So long as I don't have to worry about snapping hips during the wild ride it's really not a concern for me.

Would you really sell your body for some gifts?
Of course not. I'd also be getting sex. You see, for the average guy there really isn't any such thing as being a prostitute. At least not within our normal comprehension of it. "I get to have sex with chicks and I get money? Rock on!! Hold on while I warm up my mangina."

Aren't you worried about what a relationship with Hillary (extramarital for her) would do to your reputation?
Are you serious? When has a reputation ever been a consideration for whether a guy has sex or not?

Back to her policies. You hate them so much and think she's such a lousy politician. What could you talk about? How would you actually have any kind of relationship?
I'm sure her economic policies would sound much better with my cock in her mouth.

What about after it's all over though. Wouldn't you be worried about some sort of repercussions?
I see only benefits. It would be much easier to argue her down against Hillarites. Oh, she rallied the Senate and got her pet bill passed? "Well she was an astoundingly bad lay." She's made another impassioned speach about socialized health care, reverse discrimination and how she continues to battle the vast right wing conspiracy? "I can tell you that she didn't speak so well with a ball gag in her yap hole." Hillary has opted into the 2008 Presidential race? "Yeah, that horse can run all right. Just like the day I put the saddle and blinders on her and shoved the pony tail butt plug up her ass."

So sure, I'd screw Hillary. Nothin' but pie there as far as I can see. How bout y'all? Guys (and ladies that go that way), what do you say?